


to calculate your worth

by lutzaussi



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friendship, Gen, Introspection, Language of Flowers, hanakotoba
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 00:54:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8946676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lutzaussi/pseuds/lutzaussi
Summary: Sakura decides, a week before she is supposed to start at the Academy, that being a ninja will never be the right course of action for her. Living with such a heavy burden is not for everyone.So she finds herself at Yamanaka Flowers, where life isn't always roses, but it is okay. And even better: she is okay.





	

A month before Sakura is supposed to enter the Academy, she gets sick. It starts with a fever and vomiting, and after a week she is finally well enough to keep down more than broth and water, but she is left feeling weak and alternately chilled and overheated. In another week she is better, though still weak, and has begun to have doubts that she will be able to go to the Academy.

Her mother and father don’t talk about it with her, but then again they talk about very little with her. Ino comes to visit her at the two week mark, like she did every day the first five days until Sakura’s mother told her that it would be at least a week before she could see her friend. She has a basket with apples and oranges and some of the elderflower tonic that her mother makes that’s good for illnesses.

Sakura is still exhausted, but she lets her mother prop her up with some pillows and smooth her hair back into a horsetail. Ino doesn’t care that she looks like crap, immediately sits down and begins chatting, peeling and slicing one of the apples as she does so.

Somewhere, in the prattle leaving her body, Ino mentions that her father is looking for someone to apprentice at the flower shop, and Sakura holds onto that like a lifeline.

-

Her mother is--well, not exactly _happy_ that she doesn’t want to become a ninja, but not unhappy. She is accepting, and she is glad that Sakura knows what she wants to do.

Sakura misses the first day of school at the Academy because she is wearing her best clothes and visiting Yamanaka Flowers on her own. Kaede is the only one there, putting together an arrangement, and when Sakura asks her if she could be their apprentice her face softens, and she sits and asks Sakura if she has talked to her parents.

She has not talked to her father. Sakura says yes without hesitating, bows and thanks Kaede when she is told to come back the next morning.

-

Her father seems disappointed but her mother shoots him enough dark looks over dinner to tell him that Sakura is not going to become a ninja no matter what he says or thinks.

He sits down with her in the back yard after that, and they sit in silence for a few minutes he asks, “Are you happy, Sakura?”

And Sakura doesn’t really know the answer to that

-

Inoichi is a balm to work with. He’s quiet in the shop, always ready to explain the meanings of flowers if she forgets, to correct her placement for the traditional arrangements, and to give her a reassuring word after a long day. Kaede is more abrasive, like her daughter, but even she is kind and patient to Sakura as the girl learns.

Most of their orders come in at the beginning of the week and the end, so the long middle weekdays she spends memorizing the flowers and their care, and reading books from the library while Inoichi or Kaede work in the steamy greenhouse attached to the back of the shop. They have regular orders, from the Hyuuga and Sarutobi clans, from some people who regularly buy flowers for their significant others, and from several of the tea shops, so there is always something to do, but with two sets of hands in the shop at all times they get done quickly.

She spends alternating mornings and afternoons in the shop at the beginning, getting experience opening and closing in addition to the plant learning. Playing seems a thing of the distant past to her after a few months, but she doesn’t really miss it. The work can be hard, but the flowers never made fun of her.

-

By the time she is ten she has worked her way through most of the library’s collection of advanced science and mathematics books. The staff know her schedule by heart and always perk up whenever she visits to return books and scrolls or take more out on Wednesdays and Mondays. Sakura knows that Ino and the others are learning about science and math, too, but she finds that she can’t talk to them about it because they learned it through application, not theory.

She loves theory, loves thinking about the things that are possible because of math even though she doesn’t like it as much as biology. When she gets through all of the books she throws herself into the literature section with a fervor, relishing the poetry and prose equally.

She likes poetry just slightly more, because there is a lot of talk of flowers in poetry, and most poets are clever about their meanings. They know that yellow tulips mean one-sided love, that peonies are bravery, and that white roses are silence.

-

The day Ino graduates the Academy she comes running into the shop and nearly runs over Sakura as she waters the bonsai in the front window that they are trying to sell. Sakura finishes the watering, prunes a couple of unneeded needles from the white pine, and follows Ino into the back with her pitcher.

Kaede is squealing over her daughter, and Sakura slips past them to the deep sinks in the back of the greenhouse to pour out the remaining water and hang the pitcher. She can vaguely hear them talking as she washes her hands, but she doesn’t try to listen in. She turns to gather red camellias and several blue sprigs of forget-me-nots, returns to the front to roll them into a bouquet. Asuma usually stops by on Wednesdays in the afternoon, and he always wants the same bouquet prepared.

She is interrupted from tying string around the flowers by a hand resting on her shoulder, and Kaede asks, in a strange tone that Sakura cannot parse, “Sakura-chan, would you be okay with closing the shop tonight?”

Sakura nods and says, with what she hopes is a reassuring smile on her face, “I’ll be fine.”

Kaede searches her face for a moment, then smiles and gives her a hug, lets Ino lead her out of the shop and down the street. Sakura watches them go, feels the smile slip off her face as she does. There is no reason for her to feel so jealous, she scolds herself after finishing the forget-me-nots and camellias, and there is no reason for her to feel useless.

-

Some time after Ino’s graduation, Sakura receives more responsibilities. She is only thirteen, but Inoichi entrusts her with her own set of keys for the store and three days a week on her own. It really isn’t too big of a step up but it does give her time alone in the store, in complete control and responsibility of everything that goes on.

She finds herself slipping away from her old friends, from Ino and her boys and Hinata. It isn’t as though they have a big falling-out or fight, they just don’t have time between her work hours and their training to see each other. And she feels guilty because it is almost a relief to not have to schedule hang-out time or try to remember to seek them out to talk to them.

Hinata understands, because Hinata understands more or less everything and everyone that she comes across. She still makes an effort to be the one to bring the family orders to the shop every Monday morning, and then they can sit and talk for a half an hour because few other people come in that early. It is Hinata who tells her about all of the genin teams and their teachers, about being on a team with Inuzuka Kiba and Aburame Shino under Kurenai.

(oh, goes Sakura’s mind when she hears that, because she knows that someone named Kurenai is the one who gets flowers weekly from Asuma)

Kiba is the only one of her two teammates that Sakura meets soon after that. One morning when it’s cold outside and Hinata doesn’t want to leave he comes to collect her, looking shy when he enters the shop with a gangly puppy on his heels. Sakura decides that he’s alright, that day, because he makes sure the puppy sits and stays next to the door while he drags Hinata away from the counter. Hinata introduces them, of course, then promises that she will be back the next week with the order.

-

It is a full week after her birthday and two weeks after the Chuunin Exams when Ino and Choji stop by with a bag of something for Inoichi. Sakura’s alone in the shop, as she usually is, and working on a wedding order. Lots of roses, roses that she has been stabbed by at least five times by the time the two walk through the door.

Sakura automatically calls out, “Welcome to Yamanaka Flowers!” when she hears the telltale jingle of the bell against the glass door, wiping her hands on her apron--and smearing the blood all over it--as she leaves the back room and her hell of roses.

“Oiii, Sakura,” Ino says, laying on the counter, “where’s my dad?”

Sakura stops mid-movement, her hands almost to the deep pockets of her apron, and says, “I don’t know. He might be at Hokage Tower.”

Choji groans and turns to go, but Ino stays draped over the counter, looks up at Sakura and says, “Did you hear that Shikamaru is being promoted to Chuunin?”

Sakura shakes her head, slips her hands into her pockets. She hasn’t had the chance to keep up on ninja news with the near-frenetic pace that work has taken on, supplying flowers for funerals and spur of the moment weddings. And, well, she’s never been close to Shikamaru.

“You should come to his promotion! It’s open to the public!” Ino says, ignoring the fact that Choji is already outside and now tapping on the glass to get her attention.

“No, it’s fine,” Sakura says, holding up her hands, “I have work, anyway.”

Ino looks disappointed, and like she wants to say something else, but then she hears Choji and takes her leave.

-

Inoichi has the greenhouse expanded the year Ino becomes a Chuunin. It does not take long for the construction of a new wall and an expansion to the ceiling, but for a solid week the water is all but cut off and Sakura has to make trips over to the restaurant across the street for bucketfuls of water every morning.

It’s not hard--she’s used to the heavy lifting and being on her feet--but it’s annoying to not be able to wash her hands or fill her pitcher from the tap. She gripes to Inoichi and he just laughs, tells her that patience is a virtue, and doesn’t tell her that he’s increasing her pay.

The new--not new, but _new_ nonetheless--greenhouse is much larger, and there are more sinks, a bigger work table, and space for them to keep the silk ribbons and fine paper with the vases and pots. There are more roses and poppies, a deep water trough where they can grow lotus year-round.

Sakura _loves_ it.

Inoichi or Kaede open the shop most mornings, while Sakura gets used to taking care of the increased number of plants. They only do that for a week, and then Sakura is allowed to be alone in the warmth of the greenhouse with only the plants for company. Sometimes, she thinks, plants are better company than people.

-

Kaede finds her in the back, looking over a potted sweet pea in need of a trellis and heavy pruning. She watches her for a few minutes, then speaks in a low voice, “Is something on your mind, Sakura?”

Sakura starts, shaken out of her focus, and looks at the woman. She has more lines around her eyes than Sakura remembers, and her ash blonde hair is beginning to grey. “No,” Sakura says, though she sounds unsure even to herself.

“Ino told me she was worried about you,” Kaede explains, sitting down on one of the many wooden stools that are scattered through the shop and greenhouse. Sakura is confused at that, because she hasn’t seen Ino in weeks, and she guesses that Kaede can read that confusion because the woman continues, “She hasn’t seen you in a while.”

“Hm,” Sakura pauses to snip off a few more leaves, “she’s usually training when I’m not working.”

Kaede nods slowly, but doesn’t look away from the girl. Sakura puts her shears down, turns them away from her hands so she won’t accidentally stab herself and leans her back and hands against the table. She says, “We don’t have much in common anymore.”

And Kaede’s face turns down, and she takes Sakura into a warm hug and whispers, “I’m sorry.”

-

Sakura has a pot of winter heather on the balcony of her apartment and every time she waters it she can’t help but sigh and laugh at herself. In the summer it is surrounded by herbs and a perpetually replanted pot of green onions, but those she always moves inside when it begins to frost.

She doesn’t spend much time in her apartment, but it is home. She has plants there, books on horticulture and botany and soil and one or two on math, a kitchen where she can make as many umeboshi stuffed rice balls as she wants without anyone there to make her stop. It is a little lonely but she is used to loneliness and has made this particular sort her own.

Hinata comes over often, even if Sakura is not there, because life in the Hyuuga compound has only become rougher for her after her sister’s early graduation from the Academy. Sakura doesn’t know Hyuuga Hisashi, has never met the man face to face, but is one hundred percent certain that if she did, she would break his nose. Hinata is soft and kind, friendly like jasmine is and as honest as violets. For the life of her, Sakura cannot understand why she is looked down on by her own father and sister. Neji is different, and sometimes he comes to collect Hinata if she’s fallen asleep and it’s getting late and her mother is worried. He doesn’t ever say much to Sakura, but it is clear that he cares for his cousin even if nobody else does.

Sakura begins to work six days a week, opening to closing. Inoichi and Kaede don’t stop her, but give her two weeks of vacation days that she can take, whenever, no questions asked.

-

Her father doesn’t come back from a mission when she is sixteen, and Sakura has lived with that fear for her entire life so acceptance comes quickly. She takes time off work and has Hinata take care of her apartment for a week while she helps her mother.

They walk in circles around each other for the most part, each one afraid of making the other remember too many things, each one afraid of the hurt that would come. The funeral is small and the wake smaller, just the remaining Harunos and some distant relatives that leave when it is over. The house, Sakura’s childhood home, is sold, and when it is over Sakura’s mother moves into an apartment on her own, smaller than Sakura’s and much sparser.

Her mother retired from being a ninja when she had Sakura but when she says she is considering moving back to active duty, Sakura helplessly supports her. Her mother would never consider moving in with her, letting Sakura take care of her. And the Hokage approves her leaving retirement, so Sakura’s complaints are utterly ignored.

-

Sakura is eighteen when Uzumaki Naruto comes into the shop, buys all of the sunflowers that they have and disappears toward the Hyuuga compound. She goes about her day as usual after that, and when she arrives home after she finds Hinata with a bouquet of paper-wrapped sunflowers in her arms, sitting upside down in her usual armchair.

Sakura looks at her for a moment, then goes to start some tea and rice in the kitchen, takes off her work clothes and trades them for a dress and slippers. Hinata is still sitting on the armchair, but she is head-up this time so Sakura leaves her, goes to cook some meat and noodles.

Hinata accepts a bowl of yakisoba and a bowl of rice, and they eat in silence until Sakura is nearly done.

“So,” Sakura says, “Naruto.”

Hinata blushes, tries to stammer something out but snaps her mouth shut before she can. Sakura raises an eyebrow. “We have a date on Thursday,” Hinata finally whispers, staring down at her noodles, face beet red.

-

The best part of working at the only flower shop in Konoha, Sakura decides, is that she gets to see so much love. Asuma and Kurenai are one thing, and the various people who patronise the shop every week on a regular basis, but the past three weeks she has made more bouquets of gardenias and forget-me-nots and carnations than she ever has before, and, though she doesn’t question it, she gives them to dogs. It’s a different dog every time, from a massive bulldog to a red greyhound, and they all pay her and thank her generously before taking the bouquets in their mouths and leaving.

It makes her feel as if she is in a book.

And of course there are the other teenagers, those who are year mates with Hinata and Naruto who stutter their thanks when she puts together bouquets for them, and all of the bouquets mean the same thing: love, love, love.

-

The day after her nineteenth birthday Ino is waiting outside of the shop when she leaves for the night, a bag slung over her shoulder and all of her hair pulled back from her face. She looks tired, Sakura thinks to herself as she locks the door and tucks her keys into her own bag.

“Hey,” Ino says, and she sounds awkward and like it’s hurting her to speak, “We sorta lost each other.”

Sakura looks at her, nods, “On both our parts.”

Ino looks away, down at her bag, and she fishes a flower pot out of it with hands that are shaking, just a little. “I missed your birthday,” she says as she holds it out for Sakura to take, “and I was wondering if I could take you to dinner.”

Sakura takes the pot, looks at the flower. A reddish pink zinnia, just beginning to bloom. She looks up at Ino and her face softens, her heart feels warm. “I would love to go to dinner.”

And Sakura lets Ino take her hand, and they walk together.


End file.
